We poker players are full of excuses.  It allows us to play poorly without guilt.  It reminds me of the hypocritical worshipper’s prayer:  "Oh God, please make me righteous -- but not quite yet!"

Here is a list of excuses.  Say them all.  Roll around in them for your own amusement.  Pull them out when you find them useful.  Maybe that way you can get them out of your system.

EXCUSE #1: I had so few chips that I didn’t care anymore.

Tournaments are great opportunities for this excuse.  "Hey, I’ve only got a few chips -- I might as well play."

It’s a sure-fire route to extinction.  But what the hell; you can’t win with only a few chips, can you?  Might as well just have fun and fling them in.   Might as well toss in the towel.

It works fine in live games too.  You bought in for $500.  You don’t want to buy in for another $500.  You’re down to $60.  You called the $5 blind.  Someone raises to $25.  You can have a ball, raise to $60 with your Jd4d because "I’ve only got a few chips -- I might as well play."  Handy, no?

EXCUSE #2: I just won a big pot so I didn’t care about losing a few chips.

Why leave the excuses just to times when you’re short?nbsp; They work perfectly well when you feel like gambling it up with recent winnings.  This works especially well when you might otherwise be embarrassed about the low quality of your calling hand.

Say, for example, you’re in early position in a no limit holdem game and someone in front of you raises the $5 big

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EXCUSE #3: I couldn’t let him get away with a steal.

This is a great excuse for people in late position with truly mediocre holdings.  Have an Ace you’d like to play just to see if you can hit a magical Aces up?  Have two suited cards and want to try for a flush?  This excuse will really comes in handy when you’re faced with a daunting raise and have only the small and large blind to act after you.  Put your terrible implied odds aside as you snake in this great reason to call.  It’s always more fun to play than to fold.

EXCUSE #4: I was really tired.

This excuse is of dubious value early in the session of course.  You’ll have to find another reason for playing medium connectors in mid position.  But after five or maybe even four hours into the session, this is a trusty old saw to break out.  It also works well in conjunction with any of the first three excuses as in: "I was really tired and had just won a big pot so I just called with my 8h7d."

EXCUSE #5: I was drinking.

This is a wonderful excuse because it demonstrates your wisdom at the same time as it provides you with a face-saving reason for horrid play.  It shows that you know that drinking is a mistake and that you are now aware that it was the reason for your sub-par performance.  And it allows you to indulge in the pleasure of the drink while also playing loosely or passively, or loosely and passively at the same time.  It’s also a terrifically short and understated expression.  Why waste any more words?  This excuse really says it all.

EXCUSE #6: I wasn’t playing my best form of poker.

This is a somewhat more nuanced excuse than the previous ones... and might best be saved for those higher-level players who will grasp the true depth of its meaning.  It also begs some follow-up questions that excuse givers often find annoying.  Even so, because it implies that you are really a good poker player -- just not at the form of poker you sat down in and played -- it has some merit for explaining away large losses in general, as well as bad moves in specific.

EXCUSE #7: I was really stuck and couldn’t leave.

This is a highly specialized excuse, good only for explaining overall poor results, not poor play in specific.  It is a useful rejoinder to the observation, stated or implied, that you got destroyed over a long period of time in a terrible game.  It can help explain away your lack of self-control for not leaving when it was clear that your opponents were better than you.  While it, like excuse #6, may bring about unwanted follow-up questions (like: How did you get so stuck? or Why did you eventually leave?) it’s often handy when used with newer players who still look up to you.

EXCUSE #8: The game was so good that I couldn’t leave.

A variation on Excuse #7, this builds in an unspoken but powerful added excuse about the poor quality of your opponents that will simultaneously elevate your image in your own mind while denigrating the poor slobs who beat you out of your bankroll.  In this sense, it is a worthy twofer, much like Excuse #5.  It must be used carefully, however, as you don’t want to employ it with people who have recently played against you, lest they assume that your disparaging remarks were directed at them.

EXCUSE #9: I wasn’t playing well because I was waiting for a bigger game.

This is a good excuse to use with players who recently beat you badly out of your stack.  It slips in a backhanded dig at their low level of play while filling them with awe about how high you play.  The fact that such a big player as yourself was unable to beat lesser players when you competed should not deter you.  Just make sure you don’t use this excuse with people who saw you lose your wad at the higher-stakes table as well.

EXCUSE #10: I’m actually a big winner in that game.